I’ve had an increase in Astrology readings for couples lately who are seeking a more conscious, stress free, understanding relationship. I even had a client recently who wanted to know about her relationship with a husband who had passed on some years before. In each case, I wove in metaphors and examples of the ways in which each partner in the respective couple bring (or brought) forth different aspects or parts to the relationship. Each partner “sees” the world based upon his/her operating system. Where these operating systems overlap, such as where both partners have planets in the same sign or in aspect to the other’s planets, these can create “bridges” of understanding. If one partner has a Moon in Taurus and the other partner has Venus and Mercury in Taurus, while each have their own Taurean experience (one will be more emotionally or nurturingly Taurus while the other will communicate and have Taurus values) both understand Taurus energy. The closer these planets are to one another in the birthchart, the more likely for individuals to feel simpatico or similar to the other person (this is true with people with whom we do not have an intimate relationship as well, basically anyone who shares these points). When working with couples, it is important to look at how the planets line up in each others chart.
Significant connections to look for in the chart are:
North and/or South Node in Aspect to any planet or the Ascendant, Mid-Heaven – These will show whether the relationship has past connection through the South Node or is bringing about the new connections needed for the North Node.
Lunar Phases – The Moon was at a certain phase when each of us was born. Each of the phases represents a different way of looking at life and self. If one partner has a New Moon and the other one has a Balsamic moon, well, there is going to be a fundamental difference in the way they each see and process life. If the partners share the same cycle or share waning or waxing cycles, their outlooks will be similar and more compatible.
Mercury, Venus and Mars Aspects – These will show how each one Communicates, Values and Directs, respectively, the relationship as well as the ways in which the masculinity and femininity will likely be honored or debased. Challenging aspects such as conjunctions, squares and oppositions will mean there is difficulty in how these areas are handled meaning there is room for growth, whereas the softer supportive trines and sextiles (sometimes conjunctions, too), may lend to more comfortable easy-flowing roles and exchange of communication, but can also mean stagnation or a more laid back approach.
Jupiter Aspects – Aspects or relationship lines with Jupiter will expand to unsupported grandiosity on the one hand to the most beneficent unconditional support on the other and so many examples in between. How is Jupiter configured to other planets and personal points in each respective chart? Is it a supported realistic Jupiter or a flighty untethered idealistic support which results in a collapse? Is it the ruler of the chart because Sagittarius or Pisces is on the Ascendant?
Saturn Aspects –Where Saturn touches themes of authority, maturity, containment, responsibility prevail. Hard aspects with Saturn will be hard earned lessons for which the couple will need to take responsibility (which means to be response-able) if they wish to have a safe container for each in the couple and the relationship as a whole. Supportive aspects lend towards easier means towards the goals of maturation, emotional containment, responsibility and healthy Authority.
Chiron Aspects –The Healer Educator Facilitator makes a fine and pertinent footprint in each and every chart (four hooves sure add emphasis!). Chiron is the wound that never heals, but through healing teaches, educates, informs and facilitates. If you understand the sensitivity of a horse, you can understand the sensitivity of this space. There is both the hurt and the healing in every wound –I didn’t say a good healing, that is up to how each partner attends to his/her wounds and those wounded places in her/his partner. Some wounds left ignored will fester forth at a later date requiring more immediate attention. We have all had those arguments built upon a collection of resentments, pains and past hurts which burst forth when we are at our weakest or triggered by the “other” who for some reason no longer looks like our beloved. As we deal with our personal wounds, we can step out of the trap of the wound and realize that we no longer Have to be our wound. This allows for the wound to heal with the appropriate scab and time it takes to be laid to rest. The wound never goes away, but over time your relationship and attention to it changes so that the charge diminishes into simply a hint of what it used to be.
Uranus Aspects – The God of Change, Shock, Innovation, Freedom, Genius, Punk, Oddity is not going to permit for any means of normalcy or status quo. The Stepford Wives would not be welcome here unless the wives were bizarre looking and acting robots which could show you the universe in the palm of its hand while making you a martini, tune the car and come up with the blueprint for world peace. Every time you see a strong Uranus in a person’s chart, you need to know this person needs freedom of the most elemental and fundamental order. The need for freedom and all of its expressions in all of its incarnations does not mean that love is not felt or even deeply experienced, but rather needs some free and trusting reigns (if the person is trustworthy, of course!) that tie to relationship rather than tied down. Where strong Uranian ties exist, the “normal” relationship model does not. This was harder to allow and understand in the past, but as we have evolved (Uranus), we find more permutations of the relationship model to suit the consciousness, needs and desires of each person in relationship.
Neptune Aspects – The Urge to Merge, Dreaminess, Escapist, Illusion, Glamor, Fantasy, Inspiration, Soaking in the Transcendent these are some of the themes imbued in Neptunian relationships. Some will struggle through substance use and abuse while they and others can envision a large enough dream they can actually make real or the inability to do so. Issues of co-dependency, rescuer-victim-perpetrator, fear of others while longing for The Union with All That Is through Sex, Drugs and Spirituality are Neptunian themes in our day and age. We are all somewhere on the pendulum from unconscious union through separation and, hopefully, onto Conscious Union.
Pluto Aspect – Aspects with Pluto connections between the natal partners are most Intense when in relationship with the Sun, Moon and MidHeaven, other aspects with Pluto may be felt intensely by the sensitive ones in relationship. Themes of Power, Transformation, death, rebirth, Regeneration, Burning with the intensity of an atomic bomb or of a God imprisoned beneath the earth for all eternity? This is not a place for the faint of heart, for sissies or cowards, this is the place that will cut us to the bone, burn away all that you are not truly (read that a few times and really get that we are so much more simpler and Divine without all of the ego-ic matter which clouds our judgments and keeps us scared and separate) like a crucible burning away the impurities, there is only one answer to Pluto. The answer is simple, yet sometimes too painful to consider, yet when we Surrender to Pluto and the process of becoming conscious, loving, transformative beings, we step through the threshold of who we were into Who we Are and why we chose to be here at this time.
What I have written here are basic brush strokes from which you can add your own experiences, anecdotes, client experience and such. The beautiful art of being on the planet is witnessing the myriad ways in which we all use the same energies in so many different ways. Our personal relationships create an opportunity for growth that few other relationships can –except for good old Mom and Dad. Using the tools of Astrology, couples can gain the understanding of how each partner processes and relates to thinking, feeling, relating and all of the other areas we inhabit in our lives. Having a sort of owner’s manual or partner guide can help each of us to be more conscious, compassionate and loving in our relationships. Isn’t that what we all want?
I wish you well on your journey of exploration of self and other!
Enjoy,
Michael